Hash Trash

Run Date Run ID Trash Message 4/30/2008 1262 Colombo Harriettes Run # 1262 Hares: FF, Billy Boy and G Spot Half Pint drafted me as Scribe, while Indy anointed me her Beer Bitch. I’m just a boy who can’t say “No,” so I did both and here I am trying to decipher All Day All Night’s notes. As Billy Boy’s described the run, I thought I heard him say “I’ll be shortcutting.” I knew that I must not be hearing him correctly. After all, his high pitched voice is outside the hearing threshold of normal human adults. Off we went on the run, with BB in the lead for about 100 meters. Suddenly he disappeared and runners only spotted him 2 times – midway and at the circle. I realized that absenting himself was the better part of valor, as BB seems to think that setting paper ½ mile (800 meters for you lot) apart is a good way to mark a trail. Well, in the end it was a good run, but what a s**t Hare BB is. Half Pint ended up showing us the way to ON IN, and there was BB, already relaxing and sucking down suds. Wanker!! Returning from a driving tour of Pelawatte with RTC, Indy made me her Beer Bitch, with the circle already in progress. Down-Down to me for being late. Is Indy a demanding RA, or what? “Get out of the light, Beer Bitch. People can’t see me!” Virgin in the Circle – “Just Jasmine just watching,” a refugee from Robert Mugabe land Annies – 9 runs for Slap Shot (9 is an anniversary?! What do I get? Oh, yeah, I get to be Beer Bitch and Scribe); 9 Hares for G Spot; 99 runs for 50 Marks (Dengue Dick drinking in 50 Marks stead); 15 runs for Wet My Weenie; 85 runs for Bootlegger; 140 for (God only knows. ADAN left it blank); 120 runs for Comatose; and finally, 345 for RTC (Get a life, indeed) Returners – Comatose, who went to Holland to plug a dike and came back wearing orange; ADAN, who went to Singapore to see a doctor (what’s up with that?); and, Dengue Dick who went somewhere (ADAN’s writing, again!) Billy Boy was thrown on the ice for being a lost boy AND hatting in the circle. Apparently a veteran of the Ice Ass, he had on two pair of shorts. Down-Downs to Bootlegger (misnaming a Hasher), RTC (for some bullshit reason), Antsy Bush (look-alike for Back Door Port Star, for stalking Caroline, soon to be wed in 2 weeks) Poor Hash Kitten. She was charged for taking a Tuk Tuk, after being set up by Wet Nurse, who was declared a Sinner along with 50 Marks, and Down-Downs to all 3. Sad Bastard replaced BB on the ice, having offered cigs to minors. He liked the cold and sat on the ice even after the RA took pity on him. SB made his announcement (Marine International Night on Friday) while shivering his gonads off on the ice. Hard Core Marine!!!! Another announcement – Queen of Holland’s birthday. All Dutch and Dutch-wannabes wear orange. Hares’ Song – Dr. Do As I Say’s “up and down, in and out” song. Down-Downs to ADAN and Bootlegger! What are they teaching those kids!? Finally, Obnoxious Nationality goes to the Austrians for having zoning laws that require sex maniacs to apply for permits to build dungeons. ON ON!!!!! SLAPSHOT 4/23/2008 1261 Hash Trash No: 1261 HARES: BLACK BOLLOCKS, EAGER BEAVER & AUSFAHRT Hooker's Playground, April 23, 2008 It was a Wednesday hash that started out like any other. After leaving the office a little early, as the personal request of Black Bollocks, one of the hares. I had to stand by the road showing a little leg and hope a passing hasher would stop and give me a ride. Luckily Miss Piggy came by and gave me a lift. Black Bollocks promised a great trail, good hash food, and many hot harriettes throwing themselves at me when they realized Indy was out of town. Well, 2 out of 3 aint bad! Half Pint asked me to write up the run, and asked of I needed a pen and paper to take notes. I assured her that my memory is as good as…. What are those big animals called?? They are grey, have big ears, and a long nose?? Any way, my memory is as good as one of those things, so she shouldn’t worry. She just rolled her eyes and walked away shaking her head. (Head?? Who said head…) So anyway, here it goes. The runners were assembled and eager to go, as the hares returned from laying trail. Black Bollocks was carrying a small bag of paper, Just Frank was carrying a huge bag of paper, and Ausfart was just fiddling with his GPS complaining about it not working, and worrying how he would get the walkers out and back safely. So after some quick instruction from the hares, and Black Bollocks had gotten his bicycle ready we were off. We new we were in for a long trail when a fit bugger like BB was sweeping trail on a mountain bike! So we ran this way and that, up hills and down. Several well placed bars, that got the hounds tired and confused, and when returning from the bars of checking, BB was always there a top his bike, laughing as us! What a bastard! On the run back from a nasty bar, Wet Nurse was so upset she ran right over a little girl cheering us on! I would expect such behavior from 50 Marks, but not sweet little Wet Nurse! Then it was down into the paddy. With all the rain it was good and muddy. On one nasty crossing, Wet Nurse got some good speed up to try and jump it, but came up short and sank in to her knees. Sackapoopoo was next to try and had the same results, except he actually lost his shoe about a foot deep in mud. I figured I would just walk through and avoid all of this drama, and about an inch below the water level was a nice board laid by the hares to avoid all of this, so the rest of the pack simply walked across the board and didn’t even get muddy. Silly hashers!. It was then dark, and we were close to home. I could smell the beer, and as we ran by the cycling hare, I could hear he was on the phone with his fellow hare, and the side of the conversation I could hear went something like this BB ”You are WHERE??” “Oh Man, no, the shortest way back is on trail. Go to the yellow building and turn right, and just follow paper. We will try and save some hash food for you guys.” Ole Ausfart had really gotten the walkers in deep this time. So much so when they finally did come back, Dr Do What I Say and Artsy Fartsy were complaining so much about it, they were elected Beer Wenches for the circle presided over by RA Miss Piggy. He was supported by on Sec Fly Fucker, who did a great job of keeping Piggy on track so we could get out of there by sunrise. As we had plenty of time for drinking large quantities of adult beverages while waiting for the walkers, the circle is a bit fuzzy, but here it goes. Doministress and Wet Nurse were charged for chatting on the phone in the circle. Pint had a joke about math, logic, nuns and a pervert. I am sure they all had hash names, but don’t recall them. Frank was a virgin, and a hare brought by Ausfart. Ausfart was charged for making Frank do all the work, while he simply pushed buttons (ineffectively) on his GPS unit. Eager Beaver offered to punish Ausfart for his crimes by withholding sex for a month. There were no shortage of hashers offering her their services so she wouldn’t have to go without while teaching Ausfart a lesson. There was a true story delivered by Billy Boy about the happy German threesome, where Ausfart wouldn’t repair things, and Frank had to step in and Eager Beaver wouldn’t bake him a cake. I am pretty sure that story had a happy ending though, at least for Frank. There were some anniversaries, and if Half Pint is so inclined she can input them here, if not check the On Sec sheet next week. They called me in for being a leaver, but I am only going to Kilinochchi for a month. Not sure how that counts, but I drank my down down without complaint. There was a song from the hares, which upset Doministress as it was broken up into Hasher verses and Harriettes verses. She started complaining about it all being equal on Wednesdays yadda yadda yadda, but luckly she was drowned out by the awful singing attempt by the circle. The RA then made me sing a song for the circle. There was supposed to be some circle participation, but none of the dim wits there could come up with a sexual reference to household items. So I sang solo, until the RA shut me up with a beer. I must have offended the beer wenches as they poured me a down down with half fanta and half beer. Damn that was nasty!!! The Sri Lankans were the obnoxious nationality for not keeping their appointments or some shit like that. Then it was to the Bollocks Empire for hash food. Eager Beaver tried to convince us that she spent all week cooing the hash food, but we all new better. Especially after the true story of her sleeping with Just Frank to avoid baking him a cake. As promised it was s good run, and good food, however I went home alone, as no harriette offered to stand in for Indy. On On, Ass Finder 4/16/2008 1260 RUN NO: 1260 HARES: Paddy Diver, BackDoor P.Star & Lady Shaggerly's Bawa Big Plot Site, 1603.08. After fastidiously taking notes on a slightly soggy napkin; I am reduced to penning this entirely from memory after the original was mistaken for a snotty tissue and thrown away with the garbage!! I make no apologies for this...this being a deliberate unconscious mismanagement strategy on my part to avoid having to come up with anything, clever or witty. . . I’ll do my best to remember all the stats, and throw myself at the mercy of Half Pint to make corrections and additions as necessary!!! I can’t say too much about the run, not being much of a runner myself, but if it was anything like the walk, it would have been beautiful, with almost no road at all and plenty of shiggy paddy. Well done hares for providing a challenging and invigorating walk. Very appropriately, Paddy Diver was the walking hare and he certainly did his fair share of diving in the paddy – gallantly rescuing FF’s stinking hash boot and no doubt regretting it later as he was made to drink from the putrid mud-caked specimen. Not to be outdone by last week’s gentlemanly conduct by our US Marines, Ausfart and Lady Shaggerly came out to rescue the hapless walkers, who were groping around in the dark rubber plantation for a way out – though PD and Pint will tell you that they knew exactly where they were going – the rest of us had our doubts!! The circle came and went with various charges, noteable events and down-downs – I’ll try to recall the highlights but pleas forgive me if I forget – you may chastise me suitably at next week’s run! Hares were PD, LSB and Porn Star and though the walk and the food was pretty good the song was really crap though entertaining thanks to the brave effort of some circle members in trying to remember and hold the tune.. All Day and All Night was charged for floodlighting her lady bumps and Billy Boy was iced and given frozen assets, but I don’t remember much about his heinous crime – something to do with losing the hash shit. Shame, as it might at least have protected his shrunken assets. Still good training for his next peak ascent! Gary, after much debate was named Sad Bastard for being a sad bastard for some reason or another .(and probably well-deserved for drinking out of my other hashboot)… There were anniversaries – the only one I can remember is that I was called out with a bunch of people celebrating their ‘7’s – must have been a quiet week if OnSec had to resort to that one… Obnoxious Nationality went to the Germans. or was it the American’s??? Oh shit!! Well I know it wasn’t the Brits, though we were charged for marrying Americans – perish the thought!! Anyway we all had lashings of beer and a jolly good time … the End. FF 4/9/2008 1259 RUN NO: 1259 HARES: WHIPS, LASHES & MAMMARY MAID Medical Centre III, 09th april 2008 To rain or not to rain (run), to thunder or not to thunder, to be struck by lightning or to survive: these were the essential questions a hasher had to answer on the 1259 run of the Colombo Hash House Harriettes at medical Center III last Wednesday 9 April 2008. Was a hash ever cancelled because of bad weather my daughter and Cora asked? Unthinkable! Though after we had negotiated our way through pouring rains to the site, only the hares were waiting there: huddled in the car. But alas! True hashers are reliable and suddenly like cockroaches from the ground a large number of eager runners and walkers appeared. Hi, how the umbrellas were pointed out to the thundering lightning. Only weak souls would subdue to this challenge and the pouring floods, With delay a large pack consisting of all kind of beings – my dog Cora sadly asked for Socks – started the trail following instruction from the hares. Of course they were not followed and only after extensive checking a house number 58 was found. From there it was clear: large paper could be found throughout the rain (run). A Grand Hash Master has to live up to standards! The trail was excellent. Good running with crossing streams and lakes which once might have been paddy fields. Yours truly with companions was part of a subgroup of six making their way home through the dust. No Sir, we did not get lost! Just enjoying the cool wetness from above and below and not understanding the pitiful glances of the villagers. On in we saw hashers together with the help of Marines had started to erect a tent: of course only to avoid having the beer diluted by liquid without alcohol. Yours truly and companions unfortunately could not wait for circle. But all of us will remember a memorable has run. Boot Legger was in command of the circle. He gave a short speech that he won’t tolerate any indiscipline in his circle except for nonsence of Course. Today’s On Sec was our lovely All Day and All Night – great team work! Returner was Blow Job and returning member was Roberto Medici who had also participated in the Interhash. Inbetween RTC was still mourning for Socks. No one has seen our favorite Hash dog Yet, but we still have hopes. Doministress had a good charge for Ass Tucker and his co marine friend (could not get his name) – something to do with a sock / toe performance at a wedding which was done with a good demonstration! The Hares had a great song ! Then Sakapoopoo was asked to be RA for a short while –he did a splendid job - Good to have new blood in the circle.. Late appearance was Billy Boy of course.And after a few more charges and annies RTC wound up the circle with the famous‘singing in the rain’ song! And finally Hash food arrived. The GM announced that we could drink the beer dry this eveining as Blow Job has invited all to do so on his account as he is a leaver finally…Also leaving temporarily were Comatose & Wet Nurse ON ON! Run written by Double Check & Circle by H.Pint 4/5/2008 1258 APRIL FOOLS' RUN 05.04.2008 at Le Pimp's House of Pleasure HARES; LE PIMP, COMATOSE, SPITTING IMAGE My eyes looked down at yet another bar.... (the type without alcohol that makes you go "Shite! Damn! Bugger! False F**** Trail F**** Again!)..... and I decided that being the FRB is a pain in the ass!!! So I fell back and observed my situation. I was surrounded by a bunch of people who looked like they were on the run from the men in white jackets. Yes! The good people of Kotte had been fooled if they thought the lunacy ends on April First.... being hashers.... we took lunacy to the street a bit later when they least expect it!!! Ha! Ha! Gotcha!!! I was running next to Dr. Pushin who was decked in a pair of shorts scantily covered by some fishnet sort of thing and topped off with an imperial hat upon which was perched a green parrot. Yes.... the good doctor was obviously cuckoo! BootLegger was entertaining the kids en route with his little birdie while AssFinder and Marine Ho were making us dizzy by going so fast! We trudged across a rather dodgy plank which ran over a little drain only to see Designer Willie who wore shades on a run which needed none, unless you were to run anywhere close to him and be blinded by his extremely psycodelic (howthehelldoyouspellthat?) attire! It wasn't long before we could see that he was outdone by Lazy Bitch, who was so lazy she came for the walk straight from her bed! A sight that definitely spurred us BackRunningBastards to go faster. Finally we made it back to the house of Le Pimp.... where the whole madness began! After Indiana took her annual bath under the garden tap, Dr. Pushin wet himself so that his see-through outfit became more revealing and other hashers started raiding the beer and stripping..... Miss Piggy who could stand it no longer began the circle. There was ample beer and two dodgy virgins, Shane and Christian both of who were conmen running from the Police. They were male virgins to the delight of the female hashers. Christian came with Marine Ho who soon disappeared with her virgin in record time! Shane, being yet another lawyer in the Hash, was brought by the notorious Wet Mandela and Inspector Pussy who both forgot to train him properly. We had a running mop that ended up at the circle and who turned out to be a Hasher on a Halleian scale (he Hashes once every ten years!!!) Somebody take that man to the shrink! Despite all attempts to get rid of them by drowning them with alcohol, Pint, Half Pint, AintZBush, Conquistador, Inca, Comatose and Wet Mandela all made it back, sloshed as they were from Perth, India and someother dodgy place where Wet Mandela went.... The Anniversaries were Le Pimp (20 rabbits), Shat (25 Runs), Malakada Fuck (65 Runs), FlyFucker (305 Runs) and Lashes (485Runs). Get a life you lot!!! Indiana Bones has been thinking a lot of late. Every hash I go to, she ends up thinking, sometime more than once. Shocking! Fortunately Bootlegger with his entire brood (all by AllDayAllNight) and Assfinder however did not suffer from such ailments of mental strain although Aint Z Bush got a few wires crossed due to beer saturation. The rain came down, competing with the beer drunk and we had Pork Scratching, Wet Mandela, MF, WetmyWeenie, Whips and Lashes planning something with a grass skirt clad italian. DoubleDecker had done it again! Before you knew it, Mammary Maid popped in really early (for next weeks run!) Half Pint was accused of running right across a cricket match in progress. Sacrilege! Malakada Fuck attempted to expose buggery (the animal version) and ended up witha down down when his charge backfired but Inspector Pussy was accused of being a Pussy by Fly Fucker, even though he did get the goods before midnight. Conquistador however decided to get sentimental and toast the beer babe..... way too soppy for breakneck Shat! Shat was recovering from a date with the girl from Goldeneye (Ms. Onatov) with the good thigh trick, only he had gone down at the wrong moment and nearly broke his neck. Yet cheers to the Hasher who did not hestiate to pour the beer down his gullet with he aid of Pimp's funnel. Le Pimp was dressed as a nutty surgeon again and his hash influence has spread onto his Spitting Image who was dressed like a Giggolo. Spitting Image won best dressed juvenile fool whereas Dr. Pushin and Lazy Bitch took away the awards for best dress Fools. We bid bon voyage to Shat and Spitting Image who are leaving us to traumatise other parts of the world with drunken adventures. In the news were the pointers that the Canadians were letting their bears out of the forest. With curlers no less!!! However the Germans were accused of swapping sex for doctorates. Isn't that normal?!?!? Of course the Americans we charged with being juvenile delinquents who can't plan anything right (the history of America in a way)..... But the Sri Lankans decided that they needed one last beer and in a moment of sheer lunacy decided to be more obnoxious than the Americans by standing up for the Americans. This did not quite sink in until much later as the American delinquents couldn't understand English. No wonder their elections are like a soap opera! So down down for all those of the sunny isle.... and the gong was rung for some excellent Hash food after the swinging of Sing Low.... er... . nevermind..... hic!!! On! On! Inspector Pussy 3/1/2008 1251 Alankuda Weekend Run # 1251 Hares : Whips, Lashes and Le Pimp Saturday March 1st began to the drunken ramblings of Aint Z Bush. The demand for beer on the bus being so strong that there was an unavoidable delay in the trip while waiting for Cagills to unlock their beer. Fine those people for coming between a hasher and his nectar!!! Songs ranging from Yogi the brown bear and The Wheels on the Bus kept us all entertained until we arrived and discovered a paradise that was soon overwhelmed by the beer drinking, on on calling crowd of Colombo Hash House Harriettes . 1st run of the weekend started at 4pm with the Americans on time but where was everyone else???? After run comments varied - “excellent” , “too much sand”, “too many goats” “ too much beach” Goats it seems had something to do with Arsefinder who couldn’t find his way to the beer stop due to a rendevous with a goat!!! Hash Crime. Charges in the circle started with Comatose charging Dancing Queen for something to do with ice on her head good charge drink it down down…….. Arsefinder was duly charged for rescuing goats and taking on 10 machete wielding locals ,then Shat who lead the runners across a bar which didn’t serve beer …. On Sec was missing so there were no anniversaries , or returners, leavers etc but There were a few thinkers as usual. Then the lovely surprise of a virgin hasher ‘ Tucker the Marine’ who to Le Pimps dismay was not a lovely young lady though he did a good impression of one later that evening!!!! Sexy There was also a christening, some guy from somewhere unknown named after some guy from somewhere else also unknown “ Borat” There was some mention of a goat dance to be led by arsefinder but we were to be disappointed perhaps he could work on one? Then the circle ended with the song Sweet Chariot led by Indie and Shat. ,IMG SRC=WEB_HR1251_070.JPG> On On to an evening of crossdressing , drinking and dancing…………. ALL DAY ALL NIGHT 2/27/2008 1250 Run 1250…stress less Hares, Paddy Diver, Porno Star, Lady Shaggerly’s Bawa Big Plot Site, 27th Feb. 2008 Being back after forced vacations, I was very pleased with the trail, no mud, no water.. just a pleasant walk…well… the dogs were doidoing some trouble,. . Of course the conversation and gossips never end…< Dengue Dick looking very happy…the German girls found him very attractive,…Lashes takes the trip to Perth serious and is trainingg…one, two, one , two, Frozen Assets trying to convince somebody for a phantastic business..be careful…also I hear about some photos of a crazy partyy….Uhmmm.. Circle starts 6,45 pm, after Frozen Assets and Rough Cut couldn’t open the king coconuts and let the crowd around thirsty Charges, Le Pimp asks the little girl to SERVE BEER, charges also for the parents for allowing her to do so, she is so beautiful… Also charge for Loose Moose, because she’s thinking too much. Comatose was not there and Le Pimp left for ‘Business..” .Brick Lager replaced him as RA. It was a short circle, many comments because of the haircut of the Shat, I didn’t see it so dramatic., and because of the jokes, and he was also thinking.. Returners: Dengue Dick was in Germany. Applying for a job.. Herzlich Wilkommen, Pork Scratchings was away for Miss Piggy…..to bee patient has limits…. No announcements, no anniversaries…….if there were anniversarsaries I didn’t hear them… Double Decker was sitting in the ice, Frozen Assets asked why she was warming the food…..today was a very active participation of Frozen Assets. TThe crowd asked Double Decker to go back sit again on the ice, in the sexy way….Conquistador said that everything she takes becomes hot ¦…..na, ja.. Formal conversation and the last details about Puttalam….unfortunateely I miss it. Anniversaries.. sorry that was on the other side of the paper, Shat 20, Le Pimp 110. 75 Root Lager..and 385 Pork Scratching…uff, > Half Pint doesn’t have the files in order, and no time to check them,…simple question, why didn’t she start to organize way back ..Just to avoid to worry Loose Moose, that can not stop her thinking.. Song of the hares……really, it was reading of the hares.:p> Shat again called the attention saying that the girls are touching his curtain, ,sorry…sarong. Obnoxious Nationalities, Sri Lankans, for putting explosives in the food of the elephants…..MMy God..!! Aussies, because one of them paints pictures with his dick…he uses aalso thinner to wash very well his brush ?…ok.. is only an innocent question…There was a tiny piece of paper annd Eager Beaver wanted to see the photo…to see the photo……….there was no photo, sorry my dear…. Ausfahrt..…are you sure that you are trying to do your duties as goood as you can…??? Shat for having this horrible haircut and blame the Sri Lankans for it. German Ladies for sleeping and slip off the chair …??? Italians for thinking it is very sexy to keep the food as cool as possible sitting on ice. After all this nonsense, we had excellent food, thank you very much, boys and girls if you don’t have anything or anyone to cook, go to the same please From the cool weather in London, Wild Dug sends very warm greeting, she said that she really enjoyed - Sri Lanka , and the Hash Run. Bye for now, Adios, Inca.